Character and Empathy

I apologize in advance if this post gets a little ranty. One friend said I should get angry and explode about this, while Kitten said I should keep calm and take this objectively.

Honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship for me. If there isn't honesty and trust, there's no room for lasting love. Now, I'm not talking about lying about your plans so you can surprise your partner with something. I'm talking about the things that cause damage. Repressing your opinions, not bringing up pet peeves or issues. What I didn't count on was what people say after a relationship has already ended.

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons, but rarely in my experience do the people involved part on good terms. Some people are hurt, or bitter, or even spiteful. The hope is that after a period of time, which is different for everyone, you both have moved on with life and let the other person go.

I recently discovered that an ex of mine has been spreading a rumour about me. Normally, I wouldn't really care about what an ex says about me. This situation is different. She is telling people who really don't need to know about our past that I cheated on her while we were together. This offends me on so many levels. First and foremost, she is lying to people, and I hate when people lie. Secondly, she is discussing our private matters (fictitious or not) with people who have no business knowing those kinds of things about me. Third, my reputation and character are being tainted to people who don't know me. I think I am a fairly moral person, and value faithfulness in a relationship extremely high. When I meet new people, I'm always worrying about what preconceptions they have about me because of what my ex says about me.

Now, to be slightly less ranty, onto the discussion of character. A person's character is massively important to how they are perceived in the world. It colours how people interact with you, how you interact with others, your morales, and even your sense of humour. There are far too many comics about how doing things you dislike builds character, and not enough explanation behind it. Doing things you dislike gives you a source of empathy, an understanding of others difficulty based on experience. Many people now only have sympathy, the pity of pain they don't understand. While both are important, empathy is more effective than sympathy. Building this empathy does make you stronger in character, because it allows you to relate to more people on a real level and be more accepting of their plights. Many times you don't even know what has happened  to someone, but you know what the look on their face, eyes, or body language represents. When that happens, give them a smile, an ear to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. You never know what people have gone through, and you never know what information you think you know about their life is true.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Treat them better than you've been treated. It might mean the world to them. 

Toodles!